The time is never better than the present..

Wow…it has certainly been a while here. I think this is my longest lapse between writings yet. And here I was doing so well.

Recent events have given rise to a creative spark, and so here I am at 1am, banging away at the keyboard as if it were a couch that I could lie on and talk about my mother, or my feelings, or whatever.

The truth is….I don’t want to do any of that.

I don’t want to talk about the deeply inflective moments I’ve had since my last post. I don’t want to talk about how the adversities and the blessings have been abundant. I don’t want to talk about the lessons I’ve learned along the way, and I certainly don’t want to be inspirational. I just want to write for a bit. Therefore, you are just kind of stuck with me here for the next few hundred words. I’m not sorry about that. I won’t feel bad if you drop this post right about here.

People have a hard time with my present-forward mindset. I get a lot of backlash and resistance from my insistence on using “is” instead of “be”. I imagine that has a lot to do with the so-called “conventional” wisdom that “Those who don’t learn from their past are doomed to repeat it.” I think that those who focus too much on the past miss the best part about the present, that it turns into a future. There’s some kind of rave or party going on at the Deck right now as well. Not bad for a Wednesday night/Thursday morning Fort Wayne. Not bad at all.

Recently, we (my girlfriend and I, to be specific) received a letter from our leasing office saying that we were expected to remove our flags from our balcony rail. The reasoning that I got was “Well, we really aren’t supposed to allow things hanging from balconies.” As I read EVERY SINGLE WORD of my leasing agreement the other day, I was unable to find a single sentence, word, or any other fundamental piece of language that corroborated this claim. To me, it seems that the question is really about why. Why are our flags offensive or improper in some way. The flags we hung were the Fort Wayne city flag (I might add that it’s the ORIGINAL Fort Wayne City Flag…you know, the one that has been flying for who knows how long…not the Indianapolis-knockoff that’s been featured in online newsletters lately), and the United States flag. Why are those two flags required to be removed? And by that same extension, if those are not allowed, what about the multiple apartments that have improper balcony-rail garden boxes? The balconies that have satellites hanging from them (clearly outlined to be prohibited without written permission…I doubt that was secured in all cases)? The OTHER BALCONIES THAT HAVE FLAGS FLYING???

Something just seems….odd….

My nephew was born yesterday. I got to meet him today. His name is Jackson Christopher Hough. I am lucky to have family like I do, and I am even more lucky to have another namesake. Sorry Dustin, I guess Alpha status doesn’t mean your name gets to live on in this case. Holding him today reminded me of some things. First, that life is never going to slow down. Like Grandma Ruthie used to say, “We’d all like to think that, if something happened to us, that the world would stop just for a second. But, it doesn’t, and life goes on.” There’s more wisdom in those words than I have found in entire books (i.e. – literally EVERY Twilight and 50 Shades books EVER WRITTEN), and I am blessed to have been able to hear them first hand. Second, that I’d better get off my ass and start moving forward if I’m ever going to leave any kind of lasting impression on this world. Like my old manager Ivren would say “The Game don’t wait.” It sure doesn’t, but I’ve been waiting for my turn to be called off the bench too long instead of just getting up and checking myself in.

People change. Sometimes very slowly, sometimes seemingly overnight. Views, opinions, habits, vices, they all eventually change. The question becomes, what story gets told? Is it the story of the person who found the ways and means to make a positive change and do better for himself/herself? Or is it the story of the person who is only as good as his/her last few moments, because his/her past is the primary focus?  There’s a lot to be gained, and lost, and chances to be taken with either scenario.

The question you have to ask yourself is, “Which story do I want to hear?”

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

Never forget what it’s like to be hungry. Keeping the edge while searching.

While on this job search of mine, I have come across myriad positions offered for salesmen. They sometimes position the job as an “account executive”, but when you read through the description and the requirements for the position, it becomes obvious what the employer is searching for. My knee-jerk reaction to these postings has gone from “why not just tell the truth about what you’re looking for, guys?”, to simply “why?” Why is it that people, so desperately looking for qualified salespeople, choose to be so indirect about their need?

If I had to guess, I’d wager that the reason for this is because of a very simple truth in business. No one, I don’t care who it is, likes salespeople. I suppose that the over-arching truth to that is that no one likes the sleazy sales guy. I know most of us have dealt with this guy at least once in our lives, but I’ll give a few of the sleazy sales guy’s greatest hits.

He won’t listen to your needs.

If he does listen, it’s because he has a set of sales lyrics that he’s recited 1000 times before and he’s just waiting for his turn to talk.

He most likely won’t be concerned about making the right recommendation, because that means he may have to adjust his expected commissions to propose the right program for the client.

The list goes on, and I’m sure I forgot some of the most frequent complaints of the “sales guy”. Unfortunately, consultants get thrown into the same category as salespeople, and no matter their plans, recommendations, or proposals; they are treated the same way, if not worse, than the salespeople. So, it’s not surprising, when you stack it all up, that companies must position their sales opportunities as something more palatable. This could also explain why there are so few truly good salespeople out there.

One thing that I think everyone who is in sales has got to have, regardless if you’re selling screwdrivers or SEO, is hunger. They have to be hungry. They have to stay hungry. They have to have the right kind of hunger though. That right kind of hunger, in my opinion, is what will perpetuate an employee from being on the team for a short time and being with the team indefinitely.

So what is “the right kind of hunger”? Of course, this is only my opinion on the matter, and could be completely different from your definition, but I would like to think that mine is a reasonably good definition.

In my opinion it is the hunger that you feel when you are faced with a situation, personally or professionally, that forces you to adapt. It’s the hunger that keeps you pushing forward, despite the chagrin and dissuading of others. It’s the hunger that makes you uncomfortable. All of these things make up that kind of hunger that keeps a sales professional moving. Keeps them getting up before everyone else. Keeps them upbeat and energetic, even after 100 straight “no’s”.

It’s the hunger that kept a young single dad fighting to get out of his current station in life. Living in a leaky basement with a 6 month old little boy. Hearing gunshots at night. Driving over an hour to work every day to a job that he hated just so that little boy would have everything he needed. Continuing to push himself to learn the best practices of marketing, stay on top of current trends, continue to refine his process, and never give up.

Fast forward 4 years, and I’m back in a similar situation, minus the living conditions. And now, more than ever, that hunger is back. Positions and opportunities that I would have normally turned down are now back on the table. Not because I have no other options, but because out of a necessity to provide for my son and I. My processes continue to refine, my knowledge  base continues to grow, and I continue to fight for what I want, despite the words of others who continue to tell me no.

I also maintain what is written in the book “Good to Great” as the Stockdale Paradox. To paraphrase, the Stockdale Paradox is the ability to look at and accept the most dire of situations, and maintain an unwavering belief that you CAN and WILL prevail. Every sales professional needs that as well. Let’s be honest, it’s not easy to look at the market day in and day out, know that there will be many many more people saying no than yes, and yet still remain unabashedly optimistic. However, that is what I believe to be the most important for a sales professional to have. It’s that attitude that wakes the individual up earlier, with conviction, and excited for the opportunity to turn those no’s into yes’s.

Do you have a hungry sales staff? Are you losing your hunger yourself? If you are losing it, just keep in mind that there is someone like me who is still looking for the position you now enjoy. And, while I appreciate your situation and we probably have a lot in common with each other, and maybe our lives have even been somewhat comparable, I don’t have any problem taking an open opportunity for me to make my life and the life of my son better.

Because I’m not hungry anymore. I was hungry in October when I first lost my job. I was hungry in December when Christmas came around and I wasn’t able to get my son the presents that I was planning to get him. I was hungry when I was paying my bills ahead, in anticipation of a slow job market. I was hungry then. Now, I’m starving.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

Life moves pretty fast…

Anyone who has grown up remembering the 80’s, at least the latter part of it, will remember this quote. “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” One of most people’s favorite 80’s movies was Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (unless it was the Breakfast Club, or 16 Candles, or…), and in that movie I think a lot of people saw a person they wish they would have been. Even now, at 32, I look at this high school kid and I think to myself “wow, this would have been one helluva life.” Of course, that isn’t really the way life goes. First of all, who would have believed that Sloan’s dad would come to pick her up in a 1961 250GT California? Seriously, let’s be honest, he would have come to pick her up in a Ford LTD. I mean, the man was a fireman. What would he possibly want with a Ferrari that rare? And while we’re on that subject, what was Rooney thinking when he was watching Mr. Peterson give a 5-7second frenchy to his daughter in full view of anyone within eye-shot? But I digress, this isn’t what this post is about.

If you’ve seen the movie, you know what follows after they pick up the car, and the girl. Which, brings me to my point; you’ve gotta live a little in order to truly enjoy what small amount of time you have on this earth, and to do that, you have to take some risks.

Does that mean that you need to ditch your responsibilities by any means necessary, take over a parade, crash a power lunch and generally do everything that a normal person could never do? Of course not. But, what’s the point of life anyway if you can’t have a little fun? Tyler Durden told us that he didn’t want “to die without any scars.” There’s the classic quote about sliding into the grave with a drink in one hand and having a body that’s been used to it’s limit, or something to that effect. Go on Pinterest and there are myriad different quotes on people’s quote boards about risk-taking and coloring outside the lines and so on. Why then, if we always put these messages and images and movie scenes in front of us, is it so hard for us to actually DO those things?

Because we get older.

Because we get wiser.

Because we believe it when people say “You’re too old to do this, or that, or whatever, anymore.”

Is it advisable for a 32 year old man to stay out until 4am on a Tuesday, partying and drinking the night away? Not at all, unless your job happens to be to live like this guy. If that’s the case, then by all means, like my buddy Randy says “You got it? Ball out!” Sure, our risks take different forms as we get older and more mature, but that doesn’t mean that they should be avoided by any stretch of the imagination.

Don’t work jobs you hate.

Don’t accept bad treatment from toxic people.

Avoid doing something just because someone tries to guilt-trip you into it.

Follow your heart, no matter what anyone else says, thinks, feels, or opines.

Give into the possibility that maybe, just maybe, your choices made today will work out better for you than what anyone’s wildest dreams for you are.

There are plenty of other words of advice I could give you, but the important thing is that you find your own. You have to find your own path. And, as I said in my last post; right or wrong, you have to be willing to live with the consequences. This is true in love, life, and business. Don’t get so caught up in making plans that you miss your life. You’ll miss one helluva show if you do.

Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop to look around once in while, you could miss it.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

When all the world’s telling you you’re wrong, you’ve gotta be right.

There are times in everyone’s lives where we feel like the decisions we make aren’t exactly the best ones, but they FEEL right. They just make sense inside of us, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else. And we have all heard the familiar criticisms about our perceived bad choices, haven’t we?

“I just don’t think this is the right thing to do.”

“I like (insert person’s name), I just don’t like him/her for you.”

“I don’t think you’ll be as satisfied if you settle for (job opportunity X).”

“There’s just not a lot of room to grow at (company Y).”

And so on, and so on, and so on.

In my personal journey though life, those closest to me have always been frustrated with me. They’ve always said, “If we had only told you the exact opposite of what we wanted or thought you should do, you’d have done it, because all you ever did was the exact opposite of what we said.” All joking aside, it used to really bother me that people thought that way about me. Did they really think I was that disrespectful? Did they really not understand that I listened? Did they really not know how much their counsel meant to me?

Turns out that they didn’t, or at least I did a bad job of showing or communicating how much it meant to me. I would listen, but I always made my own decision based off of all the information I had received. I felt like I had a wealth of knowledge and experience behind me, and that helped me to accept the consequences of my decisions, good or bad.

I promise there’s a point here. There are going to be a lot of times when it seems like everyone in the free world is telling you that you’re making the wrong decision. That you’re not taking your time to decide. That you’re just clouded by emotions or desperation, or false motivations. It’s going to seem like you’re all alone in your convictions. Like you’ve drawn a line in the sand between you and everyone you care about. When this happens, fight harder.

It’s in these moments where you will find your true strength. You’ll find out just how hard you can fight. Just how hungry you really are. Just how far you’re willing to go in order to stand up for what you personally believe in. And, when the smoke has cleared and everyone has seen you stand up and fight, they will respect you. Or they will wither away, either way, you’ll find yourself in a better place because of your dedication.

If the entire world tells you that you’re wrong, then you have to be right. And if you’re not, so what? So you took a shot and missed; hey, at least you took the shot and didn’t cower away from the moment. You take the shot, you roll the dice, sometimes you come up big, and sometimes you crap out. You don’t take it, you don’t roll the dice; then you just get to live with the curiosity of what would have happened if you had just stepped out of that comfortable bubble for a moment. Sometimes, that feeling just lasts for a few days, and then you see that you ultimately made the right choice anyway because a better option comes along. But other times, you have to live with that decision for much longer, sometimes for the rest of your life. Is it really worth that kind of insecurity and regret, just to say that you didn’t rock the boat? That you colored inside the lines. That you didn’t have to worry about being hurt. Maybe you can say that, and you can be happy because of it. But, if you’re like me, that just doesn’t work. Right or wrong, you have to take that shot. You have to roll those dice. You have to rock the boat, color outside the lines, take the risk of being hurt. If that’s you, then keep it up. Don’t give up that demeanor. It may not always work out, but it will save you from being able to say you always played it safe.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

For love of the game, or love of the paycheck. Which side are you on?

I was lucky enough to meet with two of my former bosses in the last month. My first meeting was with Shannon from Catalyst Marketing Design, an advertising agency downtown here in Fort Wayne. Shannon is an amazing woman and a terrific leader. It was such a pleasure working for the Catalyst Team, and Shannon was an especially cool manager to work for. She told me from the beginning that she was a “velvet hammer”, which pretty aptly sums up her leadership style. Allow your freedom, but knows how to come down when things get out of focus. She gave me some great advice (as usual), and suggested a few things that I try to stay involved and stay busy. It was a real treat to be able to meet with her, and although it didn’t lead to a job possibility, I was able to communicate to her my interest in rejoining the team, should that opportunity ever arise.

Richard was my most recent meeting. Like Shannon, I had the pleasure of working under his leadership at Catalyst Marketing Design. Also, like Shannon, I considered him a great leader in his particular area of expertise, branding. As one of a select few of certified Brand Strategists, he was able to talk to me about things which other businesspeople may not have quite the same amount of expertise on. Since he and Catalyst went their separate ways a few years back, Richard has since began his own brand consulting agency. If you are a business owner looking for an incredible brand strategist who uses a great brand assessment, discovery, activation, and monitoring process, then they could potentially be a great fit for you! However, it wasn’t his current agency that was the most impactful portion of our conversation. It was one question.

“When were you faced with a situation where you had to decide between a love for your job and the process, and a love for your paycheck?”

That hit me like a ton of bricks really. I have been very adamant in my stance against serving your back pocket more than your clients, but there’s rarely a good time to really look back at those instances. Richard urged me to really look at those situations, and think about how important that decision can be. So, I’d like to share a case study with you, in hopes that, if any of you out there have ever been in a similar situation; you can have some reassurance that you are not alone in the struggle.

Client X had a problem. They were losing client share due to a number of factors. Proximity of their offices in relation to where the demand was. A poorly put together SEO/SEM strategy (I suppose you could really call it “no strategy”, really) had been hurting their organic and paid results, and in the area which they were targeting, it was especially damaging due to traffic. Their brand message was outdated, in other words, what they were saying to their customers about what they did was not aligned with their improved capabilities. Finally, there was a budget issue they were faced with. They had invested a great deal of money in some new equipment that was going to really help streamline their processes.

I suppose there are many people out there who would look at the situation and immediately go into “marketing is an investment, and you get out what you put in” style of sales pitch. You know the one, where you promise to build a robust program that will deliver the desired clients to create the ROI somewhere around 205%, or something like that. Of course, what we aren’t telling our client is that we’re asking them to increase their marketing budget by almost 60%, which will draw other areas of the budget into a lean state. But, I get it, the idea here is that because of their improved organic, paid, and branding positions, their increased presence will get a bigger slice of the 7,500 buying-decision making crowd for their specific vertical. Demographic stat “N”, ROI increase percentage “T”, buzzword, jargon, tech-speak. Before you know it, the client has too much information to really know what to with, but they are seeing a massive return potential, and they buy.

The unfortunate truth in this, is that the organic improvements wouldn’t be fully realized for 6-9 months, the branding message required dropping information that the company has been keeping in their motto since they opened in 19-whatever, and the budget for the paid search was inflated due to a national competitor dumping money into the best broad match terms, making the allocation of the budget nearly obsolete if you didn’t try to compete with the big boys. I knew this, and I had a very pragmatic decision to make.

Do I go for the big sale? Or do I build the client’s trust? Go for the big sale, and you risk losing that most precious commodity of a salesman, trust. When the organic results have gone on into month 3 without any real improvement, when the broad matches still put the company on the lower half of the paid results, when the branding message goes against what the owner had in mind (because you removed the words he carved into the first stones of the building he built), that client will roll over on you in a heartbeat. “What am I paying for?” “What kind of refund are you going to give me?” and the most dreaded four words in a salesman’s existence, “I WANT TO CANCEL.” can be counted on if the big sale is your gain and you can’t deliver. In larger markets, that’s not as much of a risk to those willing to take it. In smaller markets, like the one I live in, it’s a big gamble.

Build the client’s trust, and you may not survive long enough in the company to see their ultimate potential realized. When you’re job is less like a consultant, and more like a peddler, there isn’t much time to build relationships with your clients. You’re not able to take them through a full discovery process. You’re not able to dedicate the kind of time required to make a business owner feel comfortable enough with you to hand over a 5-figure budget increase. They don’t know you, unless you’re lucky enough to have a prior relationship to the business owner before you arrive at his door as the marketing consultant. They have heard all of your lingo, jargon, and tech-speak before; most often times by someone within your own company. Their guard is already high enough as it is. Why add to that by coming at them with an unreasonable increase because of corporate expectation?

I can hear a lot of my friends now, looking at that question, and answering plainly and quickly “Because you want to keep your job.”, and that’s understandable to a degree. One should definitely strive for job security, but, at what cost? It’s not a popular stance to take, and frankly one that makes me look less desirable to sales-dependent positions. However, I firmly believe that, given 15 clients with high buy-in to the plan and process, high trust in your recommendations, and high desire to truly stick with the plan; over the long haul, the marketing consultant who controls that client roster will be more successful than his salesman counterpart who controls 35 clients and only dedicates 1-2 days per year to servicing the clients.

Coming back to my case study, I decided against going for the love of the paycheck, and informed them that their best strategy was to build from the ground up. I scaled back the proposed budgets in congruency to the market size. I chose to focus the paid search terms away from the broad match and put more emphasis on exact match, because of the longevity of the brand. I also recommended less aggressive brand message changes, also in light of the longevity of the brand. Instead, I focused the copy of the website to the improved equipment and how it positioned them as the efficient choice among the competition.

The client agreed to my proposed budget. The company did not. However, I gained something that the company couldn’t put on a compensation report. I gained the client’s trust. They saw that I was dedicated to the client’s goals and overall success. They understood that I was more concerned with the success of their plans, than the thickness of my wallet. They believed in my approach and process, and time and time again would thank me for not being “one of those other guys”. That is a very satisfying feeling, to know that what you’ve done not only accomplishes all that the client has requested, but that they will ultimately come back for more when they have seen the results I could provide.

For a bit more on this subject, I have posted this video which will help you understand why it’s preferred to be a consultant, not a salesman.

Has this scenario come up for you? Have you been forced with this decision? What did you do? More importantly, do you agree with, or disagree with my decision? We as consultants are called to be there for our clients in order to provide the best plan, but we are often faced with a tough decision: for the love of the game, or love of the paycheck. Which side are you on?

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

Finding your ambition again.

I finally caved. I finally gave in to temptation. I finally started to write another blog post.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to blog while unemployed?” I recently asked a friend of mine via text message, while laying on my bed, in my sweatpants, with my completely neglected weight bench just sitting there mocking me.

“Why? Not lack of time…or lack of a functional brain?” I’m not 100% sure what the message meant, but I got the gist of it.

“Ambition..” was my reply.

She was not impressed. And I got scolded. It’s that kind of refreshingly brutal honesty that I appreciate my friendship with this person so much. Even though she referred to my hand as a “banana hand” (I have large hands, but that doesn’t mean we all get to celebrate it, ok?). But, there’s a point here. If that’s really the case, if I really have given up on my ambition, then there are some serious issues that need addressed.

What is it that I’m really doing? Why do I even have a blog that is centered around my self improvement? My drive. My desire to help others who are in need of a motivational boost. Most importantly, what do I need to go to get back to that point where I didn’t have to worry about lack of drive?

“You need to revisit your list.”

So I did. I looked at the things I wrote about such a short time ago, and I had a very real assessment with myself. Sure, I was fulfilling some of the items. I am proud of that, and I think it’s great that I’m doing some things according to plan. However, I am not fulfilling other parts, and that’s what concerns me. It was easy to slack off though. To relax. To rationalize. But all that ain’t gonna pay the bills. It isn’t going to continue to push me. It’s not going to keep me focused and motivated.

There are countless motivational speeches, movie clips, rah-rah speeches, and other forms of motivational blah blah that’s out there that I could start rattling off. The Rocky speech. The Knute Rockne. Speech X, Y, Z, and all the rest. Instead, I think I’m going to take a page out of another friend of mine’s book.

I think that it was something that I unconsciously avoided since I first saw it. Self-assessing exercises have always been a problem for me, since I often have a hard time finding the pros amidst all the self-imposed cons in my life. I didn’t do this right. I said that wrong. I didn’t take opportunity X. I passed up on connection Y. I could have. I should have. I would have. And so the cycle continues. Resolutions are much like the previously mentioned exercises. They force us to look at ourselves critically. To change things that we don’t like about ourselves after we have shined a big bright light on those things. Ultimately, most of them get broken, and if you’re a consistent gym-goer, you see that happen fairly quickly after the New Year. But, what if we condensed all of those resolutions down? What if we made it all as simple as, say, a single word? Now that takes some doing.

How do you put everything you want to accomplish, improve upon, and change over the course of an entire year, into a single word? How would you? I will admit that it took me quite a while to break it down from a set of resolutions, to a sentence, then finally to a word that sums up what I want 2015 to be like. But, I have found it.

Courage.

Of all the things that I want to accomplish this year. Of all the ways in which I want to change. Of all the things about me that I want to improve, courage is involved with all of it. Courage to accomplish what I have set out to accomplish. Courage to help me change the things about me that I need to change and want to change. Courage to improve myself in ways that may not be popular, or at least seem that way. Courage to speak up when I have something to say. Courage to do the things that I know I must do, but may not like doing. Courage.

What will your word be? Will you be able to condense it all down? How difficult will it be to keep your word in mind, 2 weeks, 2 months, 10 months from now? I encourage you, dear reader, to not give up on your word. To not forget that there are real promises at stake when you consider going back on your word. That to whom you promise these changes and improvements and accomplishments is just as important as what it is that you promise. Keep on pushing, and keep on reaching.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

Not out of the woods just yet…

I think Jay-Z said it best in his song “A Week Ago”, it’s funny what 7 days can change. The amount of time, I think, is irrelevant; but, the over-arching message is not. Sometimes in life, it’s funny what a little time will do to you. To someone else. To everyone. It’s funny sometimes to look back on some of the failed relationships, friendships, and whatever-ships I’ve have over the years and look back at just what exactly it was that lead to each of their demises. I feel like “demises” shouldn’t be a word, but if the all-knowing spellcheck doesn’t pick it up as an error, I guess it’s best to not question it and move ahead. That being said, it’s time to take a little look and see how things are stacking up with my list lately. I decided to give it a few weeks. One of the things I learned in my schooling adventures is that it takes 21 days to establish a habit, so updating things after a week just didn’t seem to make sense.

So far I have kept pretty well to my list. I’ve started eating better, working out, and taking better care of myself. I’ve lost weight (which is read as body fat), I have more energy, and I feel better throughout the day. I have taken more responsibility for my job search, and although I am still not in a new position, I feel like I have been doing the right things to get myself ready for when the opportunities do start to present themselves.

I have done a pretty good job at removing toxic relationships, rapacious friends, and otherwise negative vibes from my life, instead filling it with positive people and experiences.

This dinner was great, and my friends were awesome, but first…

I have started looking into better educating myself. I plan to get a meeting set up with an advisor to see what my options are for continuing my education. And, so long as it won’t cost me me first born son, I still plan to going back to school.

The only issue I have is…I don’t want to do one thing. I want to do EVERYTHING.

I want to study Chemistry (my true first love), Physics (because I still believe that I can shoot a water balloon from my old apartment roof to the rooftop at Asher Agency here in Fort Wayne), Anatomy/Physiology (because it’s easy), Math/Business (because it’s hard), Marketing (because I’m passionate about it), Entrepreneurship (because I still think Flow is an incredible idea that could make me set up for life), and a whole slew of other things.

A terrible realization came over me the other day while I was sort of lamenting over my situation: I am now 32 years old and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a Chemist, a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Creative Director, a Club Owner, and the real bitch of it is; I could do it, any of it, all of it.

The little boy here with me is about the only thing I can definitely say is a constant for me. Above all else, I know that I want to be a good father.

He demanded to help with the eggs. Who am I not to oblige?

But, what else? There has got to be something more out there that will be the thing that defines me for the years to come. As one of my old bosses told me once, “Ya know, when you are growing up, and you have all of your years ahead of you; you tend to look around and just say “Oh, I’ll get to that when I feel like it.” But, I’m here to tell ya, once you get to about 30-35, when you start to see that you have more years behind you than what you have left, you start to really think about those things you put off. Because you may not be able to get around to those things later. You start to take better care of yourself because you start seeing that the odds are not in your favor,  and that time is not really on your side.”

For the longest time, I always looked at that and thought, “Nah, that guy’s just full of shit.” It never really dawned on me that those days come up on your a lot quicker than you know, until I became a father. Because no matter what you do, no matter who you meet or where you go; that little boy of mine is going to keep getting older, and more mature, and wiser, and most importantly more independent.

So, back to the point, now what? I still am passionate about my possible move into the marketing world in a more formal sense than being a glorified door-to-door salesman. I am still looking forward to the first quarter having tremendous possibilities for me that are along with my long-standing career goals. The only difference is that now, I feel like it’d be ok to have a few extra hobbies on the side. Yes, I called learning Chemistry and Physics and A&P, etc. “hobbies”. But, those things interest me. And besides, wouldn’t you like to know how to make napalm, or launch water balloons from a city block away and hit the target, and be able to diagnose your son or daughter’s ailments better than your doctor can? Yeah, I kind of thought you might. In the end, all it takes is the will to do what the other guy won’t. It’s funny what 7 days can change. What will it change in you?

Here’s one more picture of my baby boy, for good measure, because he began his love affair with basketball officially last night.

GO MAD ANTS!!

He got to high five all of the players last night as they were leaving the court. I like to think of that as the quickening in the Highlander world. The game has been transferred to Maksim, and he was livid when we had to leave the court. Looks like I may have a gym rat on my hands after all. I’d be ok with that, as long as he doesn’t give up what he wants for what he thinks someone else needs. Time will tell. I hope to tell of his time.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

Another step..

5:15pm – Atlanta International (or whatever it wants to call itself) Airport. Flight is delayed due to incorrect fuel calcs, so we’re told. I think about the upcoming opportunity some more, and realize that everything is going to be alright. Sometimes, you have to make the sacrifice play in order to win in the end. Being away from those people I love most will be terribly hard, but the reward will be much more than worth it. What’s the note say Sara? The more pain I have to endure on the journey, the sweeter the reward will be at the end? I couldn’t agree more.

Meanwhile, we wait on a plane, sun is going behind clouds. I wonder if the rental car if going to have a car adapter for my phone charger, but I doubt it highly. The man seated next to me had to cancel plans with a friend tonight. So many different life paths enclosed on this plane. Wonder if anyone is as excited as I am?

The other guys I’ve met so far who will be training with us are nice. Funny too. They tease me about my iPhone. Well, nobody’s perfect..

St Petersburg, and my new life, await. Thanks for teaching me about patience again Lord. I suppose I can wait just a little while longer for what is to come.

A step in the right direction..

11:52am – Terminal 6, FWA. Waiting on the first leg of the trip and I’m way too emotional right now. I’m on my way to Florida damn it! Why am I having these second thoughts and insecurities?!? I can’t get the image of Maksim sleeping out of my head. He’s going to be so big when I get back. I know it’s only 2 weeks, but still, he grows up more and more each day. I hope mom and dad and Megan are able to spend time with him as much as they can. He needs that. Sara couldn’t be here, so that’s hard too. I wanted to see her before I took off so badly. I hope she gets home alright. She said Carter was car sick, I’m sure that’s no fun at all. Maksim’s mom told me once that he got car sick, but I think it’s just because she always puts that damn DVD player in front of him on long car rides. I bet he’d love the plane ride. I hope Dustin had as good of a time at the reception as I did. It was so good to see old friends. I’m really glad the speech went well. I miss when times were easier. I am pretty sure I dropped a 20 outside the bar. Hopefully someone enjoys a couple drinks on me today. I know I could use one right now.

My mind races like that more times than I care to admit. I attribute it to nerves. Nervous about starting this new journey, this new chapter, this new life. I hate needing people for support, but I can’t ignore how lonely this terminal feels..but I’ll still push out a smile and make sure anyone who needs a laugh gets one. See you in ATL..