Holiday Post

First and foremost, please allow me to explain how pleasantly surprised I was when I walked outside this morning to find that it was almost 45 degrees! Almost as happy as I was when later on in the day it got to about 55. Wow, what a day, and one that I needed badly. Sure, gone are the days when I used to sleep outside on my balcony because the weather was conducive to such a lovely and fulfilling act..

This used to be….awesome…I miss it!

…but I was still able to throw the windows open today and get some much needed fresh air into my apartment.

I needed the rejuvenation, the recharge, and the warmth of the sun to help me refocus. I had been doing pretty well as of late on remaining faithful to my list, but could feel the “honeymoon” phase of it starting to wane. Luckily, today’s uplifting weather did just that. Now it’s back to the grind.

I’m still dealing with some pretty heavy duty situations, not the least of which is my current job search, but I feel somewhat comforted by the situation when I start to think of the upcoming new year and also the reaction that Mak Daddy had when he saw both the Christmas tree lit up…

Not quite a Charlie Brown tree, but Mak Daddy loves it and that’s good enough for me.

…and his special present from “Santa” this morning.

Thanks to Godfather Randy…er…I mean Santa, for the gift. He loved it!

I tell you what, this whole parenting gig is a pretty sweet one. It not only teaches you to have the patience of Job (the guy in the Bible, for those not aware), but it also puts in perspective trivial things that may have otherwise been more serious if I was not a parent. The thing I’ve come to realize is this; the only thing that really matters at this point in my life is him. That’s not to say I don’t care deeply about my friends and family and seek to do good things for myself as well both professionally and personally, but none of that really stacks up when compared to my responsibilities as Mak Daddy’s, well, Daddy. Yes, I call myself the Daddy of the Mak at times, and I’d bet that about 65% of my audience doesn’t even understand that reference, which is kinda sad really.

Personally and professionally, I am optimistic. I feel like things are going to work out just exactly as they need to work, and not any other way. Most times, that’s scary to me because having faith is admittedly something I struggle with in all kinds of ways. However, I know what I am and what I offer. I’ve also kicked around some extracurricular endeavors that may take my life in an exciting direction as well. I guess it’s all about timing. We’ll see soon enough.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.

Not out of the woods just yet…

I think Jay-Z said it best in his song “A Week Ago”, it’s funny what 7 days can change. The amount of time, I think, is irrelevant; but, the over-arching message is not. Sometimes in life, it’s funny what a little time will do to you. To someone else. To everyone. It’s funny sometimes to look back on some of the failed relationships, friendships, and whatever-ships I’ve have over the years and look back at just what exactly it was that lead to each of their demises. I feel like “demises” shouldn’t be a word, but if the all-knowing spellcheck doesn’t pick it up as an error, I guess it’s best to not question it and move ahead. That being said, it’s time to take a little look and see how things are stacking up with my list lately. I decided to give it a few weeks. One of the things I learned in my schooling adventures is that it takes 21 days to establish a habit, so updating things after a week just didn’t seem to make sense.

So far I have kept pretty well to my list. I’ve started eating better, working out, and taking better care of myself. I’ve lost weight (which is read as body fat), I have more energy, and I feel better throughout the day. I have taken more responsibility for my job search, and although I am still not in a new position, I feel like I have been doing the right things to get myself ready for when the opportunities do start to present themselves.

I have done a pretty good job at removing toxic relationships, rapacious friends, and otherwise negative vibes from my life, instead filling it with positive people and experiences.

This dinner was great, and my friends were awesome, but first…

I have started looking into better educating myself. I plan to get a meeting set up with an advisor to see what my options are for continuing my education. And, so long as it won’t cost me me first born son, I still plan to going back to school.

The only issue I have is…I don’t want to do one thing. I want to do EVERYTHING.

I want to study Chemistry (my true first love), Physics (because I still believe that I can shoot a water balloon from my old apartment roof to the rooftop at Asher Agency here in Fort Wayne), Anatomy/Physiology (because it’s easy), Math/Business (because it’s hard), Marketing (because I’m passionate about it), Entrepreneurship (because I still think Flow is an incredible idea that could make me set up for life), and a whole slew of other things.

A terrible realization came over me the other day while I was sort of lamenting over my situation: I am now 32 years old and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a Chemist, a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Creative Director, a Club Owner, and the real bitch of it is; I could do it, any of it, all of it.

The little boy here with me is about the only thing I can definitely say is a constant for me. Above all else, I know that I want to be a good father.

He demanded to help with the eggs. Who am I not to oblige?

But, what else? There has got to be something more out there that will be the thing that defines me for the years to come. As one of my old bosses told me once, “Ya know, when you are growing up, and you have all of your years ahead of you; you tend to look around and just say “Oh, I’ll get to that when I feel like it.” But, I’m here to tell ya, once you get to about 30-35, when you start to see that you have more years behind you than what you have left, you start to really think about those things you put off. Because you may not be able to get around to those things later. You start to take better care of yourself because you start seeing that the odds are not in your favor,  and that time is not really on your side.”

For the longest time, I always looked at that and thought, “Nah, that guy’s just full of shit.” It never really dawned on me that those days come up on your a lot quicker than you know, until I became a father. Because no matter what you do, no matter who you meet or where you go; that little boy of mine is going to keep getting older, and more mature, and wiser, and most importantly more independent.

So, back to the point, now what? I still am passionate about my possible move into the marketing world in a more formal sense than being a glorified door-to-door salesman. I am still looking forward to the first quarter having tremendous possibilities for me that are along with my long-standing career goals. The only difference is that now, I feel like it’d be ok to have a few extra hobbies on the side. Yes, I called learning Chemistry and Physics and A&P, etc. “hobbies”. But, those things interest me. And besides, wouldn’t you like to know how to make napalm, or launch water balloons from a city block away and hit the target, and be able to diagnose your son or daughter’s ailments better than your doctor can? Yeah, I kind of thought you might. In the end, all it takes is the will to do what the other guy won’t. It’s funny what 7 days can change. What will it change in you?

Here’s one more picture of my baby boy, for good measure, because he began his love affair with basketball officially last night.

GO MAD ANTS!!

He got to high five all of the players last night as they were leaving the court. I like to think of that as the quickening in the Highlander world. The game has been transferred to Maksim, and he was livid when we had to leave the court. Looks like I may have a gym rat on my hands after all. I’d be ok with that, as long as he doesn’t give up what he wants for what he thinks someone else needs. Time will tell. I hope to tell of his time.

Until next time; keep ambition in your heart, logic in your mind, and allow yourself to continue the pursuit.